At it Again
If you haven’t taken the time to think about the states that separate New Jersey from Colorado, I’ll save you the trouble: Pennsylvania (okay), Ohio (okay, sure), Indiana (I guess…), Illinois (no, not Chicago), Iowa (…), Nebraska (do you know what wheat looks like?), Colorado (oh sweet baby Jesus thank you praise up). In other words, from here to there, sucks. It sucks like the owl in the tootsie pop commercial.
To recap the last 700 miles or so, I’ve been sweating my shorts off - or should I say bathing suit, that little number popped right off during some yogi downward dog on an Ohio reservoir. I should have known when the thunder sent Eyore into hiding and the tumultuous winds pushed me off balance to throw in the towel, but nooooo. “This is great!” I thought. “I’m one with nature!” I beamed. POP! Out came the girls. You’re welcome, Ohio. But if that wasn’t enough, the good ol’ O couldn’t send me on my way without creating the world’s fastest woman on earth. That’s right, folks, a snake, I repeat a friggin SNAKE, slithered its satan little body across my foot sending me the length of a football field in all but 3 seconds flat. Call the Olympics. And perhaps the campground to apologize for my 8 am scream.
|Notre Dame - This is important, right?|
After an impromptu visit to Notre Dame University, I found myself in a service plaza for the night. I drove as far as I could to avoid the stagnant air of Indiana, but alas, I could drive no more. So as I sat with an ice pack pressed against my chest with Eyore looking at me like I bake puppies for fun, a dairy truck rolls next to me. All 53’ of this 35 degree metal box stared at me with its fancy thermostat and the splendid hum of cool air being pumped onto the fresh mozzarella and ricotta cheese that had the poster girl smiling as wide as Honey. I wished I was that cheese. That cold, creamy, icy, not-a-care-in-the-hot-fucking-world, cheese. I touched the truck. I thought maybe the chill from inside would grace me with its presence. It did not.
I am hot. But I am happy to be on the road again.